Really?

*Financial Institution Rep: So, *Mr. Down-in-the-dumps, a representative will be coming by to discuss bringing your account up to date.

Mr. Down-in-the-dumps: Wall, that’ll be fine. I haf’ta give ya directions cuz the dang blasted bridge is wrecked.

Financial Institution Rep: Oh? Okay, I’ll make a note in your file for the representative. Go ahead. I’m ready.

Mr. Down-in-the-dumps: Wall, first off, come out the gravel road a fair piece. Thar ain’t too many pot holes in it this time a year. Turn on’ta our road. It’s the one with the cattle guard missin’ some bars. Yer car should cross it jes fine. But ya can’t git far after that cuz like I said a-fore, the bridge is out. Ya haf’ta wade through the crik. That won’t be no trouble cuz the water ain’t runnin’ fast and it’s only ‘bout 4 feet deep, jes watch out ya don’t go an twist yer ankle on them tricky rocks at the bottom. Then keep on a-walkin’ up the hill. When ya see the shortest pine tree, the one with the bear claw marks on it, start walkin’ west. Won’t be long til ya see the trailer back yonder in the trees. We’ll knows yer here cuz the dogs’ll bark. But don’t worry none ‘bout them, thar tied up. #Cooter jes sounds mean, but she ain’t. Skeeter’s the one ya got’ta watch out fer. He done bit my mother-in-law last week. Twister’s jes a pup an’ll lick ya ta death ‘fore she’d bite ya.

Financial Institution Rep: Really. Well, we could just talk about this matter by telephone instead. If that’s more convenient for you?

*Most of the following conversation is not real. Any resemblance to a real conversation is mostly coincidental. This conversation was mostly imagined.

# Names have been changed to protect the innocent.